Recently, somebody said some horrible, nasty, hateful things to me.

They did this privately, repeatedly over a few weeks.

I couldn’t think of a reason why this was happening to me. Finally, this is what I came up with:

Maybe it’s preparing me for someday.

What if someday I’m quite famous and people say horrible, untrue things about me? How will I handle it?

Just now, I read some wonderful information on imdb.com that will make that someday even easier.

But first a little backstory**:**

About 12 years ago or so, when Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt were dating, I remember hearing a reporter on TV say, “She’s quite educated, and she has him reading now.”

I don’t know why, but this quote never did quite sit well with me because I never once heard a news story where they told you where Gwyneth Paltrow got all this education and which university she graduated from.

Well, in the 12 years since that reporter made that comment, they invented this great thing called Google and this other way cool thing called Imdb.com, so I just decided 12 years later to go look into how Gwyneth “got him reading.”

According to Gwyneth Paltrow’s IMDB Bio found here, she quit the University of Southern California in 1991. In 1991, Gwyneth would have been 19. This means she quit after 1 year.

Now, If you read Brad Pitt’s IMDB bio found here, you see that Pitt majored in Journalism at the University of Missouri. He was just two credits short of graduating before he quit and went to Hollywood to pursue his dream.

Just hold that thought one moment and let me go get a calculator. I really need to calculate how Gwyneth with one year of university got Brad with three and a half years of university reading.

I also need to use my trusty calculator here to figure out one more thing. How is Gwyneth with one year so much more educated than Brad with three and a half years?

I guess I’m just not using the right mathematical formula to get the correct answer.

Oh wait, here’s the formula!

Crap x Crap divided by crap squared plus more crap = a job as a national reporter.

I imagine that given enough air-time, this reporter would have you thinking Brad was some redneck who fell off a turnip truck on his way up from Missouri and oh so educated Gwyneth dusted him off and got him into things like reading books.

Anyway, 12 years later, I’m glad I went and found out the answer because it made me realize people can print and say whatever they want.

So, anyway, if you ever hear a story about how I’m dating … and how he has me reading.

Please be advised that I’m a readaholic, that I’ve been reading since I was about 3, I joined the library in Duhaney Park, Jamaica soon after. Know that I am the owner of several dozen books and that I can read just fine by myself.

This article was originally published on January 09, 2010.